


Forgivness and Trust

by Theatrebaby88



Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, Kidnapping, Marriage, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:46:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 19,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28965564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theatrebaby88/pseuds/Theatrebaby88
Summary: The life they left behind reappears in a cafe.(Original posted 2012 in another site)
Relationships: jo portman/ Adam Carter





	1. The Cafe.

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

* * *

The café was full to burst; Adam Carter looked around the bustling room trying to find a seat. Looking to the far corner just out of the view of the window he found a table, one seat was occupied by a woman; her long blonde hair hiding her face. The other seat was vacant. Adam clutched his coffee and made his way over to the table; "Excuse me, May I take this seat?"

The woman who had been engrossed in her copy of 'Hey' stopped at the sound of the familiar voice. "Adam…" Her voice was almost a whisper.

Adam stayed standing and looked at the woman; "Pardon me? Do I know you?"

The woman swiftly tied her hair back and looked up at Adam; her striking blue eyes met with his shining blue orbs. She smiled to him "I would like to bloody well hope so Adam Carter"

Adam was shocked; he smiled back and embraced the woman as she stood. "Jo! Joanna Portman what are you doing here? How are you? What have you been doing with yourself?"

Jo gestured for Adam to sit. She took a drink of her coffee; "Well, I'm back working for the press; under a pseudonym –Aimee Parker- not as interesting or fun as my previous job but it pays the bills quite well. I'm doing good thanks. What about you, what are you doing with yourself?"

Adam shook his head "You're Aimee Parker! My-My who would have thought the News Breaker was in fact…a spook! Me; well I have been busy with Wes, he's getting big. I work in an office now; it's a bit rubbish really...just taking calls and filing, but its great hours for Wes and school."

Jo adjusted her hair again, pulling it from a loose ponytail into a messy up-do, Adam noticed her fidgeting; "Are you nervous, Miss Portman!" he chuckled.

Jo caught her-self toying with her hair; "Of course not! Why would I be nervous? So about Wes; it's been…oh…almost six years since Fiona was…."

Adam ran his hand along the back of his neck; he was thinking of the day Fiona was shot, and he knew that Jo had blamed herself. "Yeah…Wes is almost ten now. He's a typical little boy; into sports, gaming, board games. Things like that."

Jo gave Adam a sympathetic smile and reached over, placing her hand on top of Adam's; "I meant how has he coped; not having his mother around for so long. I'm so sorry… It must be hard for you."

Adam smiled as Jo took his hand; he went to reply when she looked at her phone. "I have to go; I'm late for a meeting." She got up from her seat and threw her oversized blue handbag over her shoulder. "Adam…oh seven four three eight six six five three one four" Jo rattled out the numbers then left, looking behind her and giving Adam a wave.

The rain poured down in sheets, hitting against the living room window. Adam sat on his sofa, flicking through the stations. He had just finished putting his son to bed, the space beside him on the sofa felt strangely empty. He picked up his phone and dialled a number from memory, a number he had dialled every day for the past six weeks. There was no answer. Just then an advert came on the television; a man and woman sat in Trafalgar square, the man was on crutches; "Another injury claims advert." Adam thought, before his mind drifted again to Trafalgar, this time it was only two days ago. The day had been a dull one, Adam had left Wes with a friend and made the short drive to the square; he bought two take-out coffees from a nearby café then looked around the square. He spotted Jo perched on the edge of one of the fountains, the two had sat and talked for a long time, about this and that. Adam had felt oblivious to all that was going on around him for the first in a long time and he sensed that Jo had felt the same.

The sound his phone bleeping brought Adam back to the present; he picked It up and read the message ' _Sorry; am out min. Work related stuff. Will call u tmrw. Jo xxx'_ he smiled to himself then replied- ' _Ok, don get too bored. Xxx'_ he checked the message had sent then turned off the TV and went to bed.

The following evening was just as miserable; the rain bounced off the windows and thunder roared in the distance; the air smelt electric. The doorbell rang; Adam answered it and smiled, Jo had obviously made an effort. "Hi, you must be freezing, come in." Adam closed the door behind them and took Jo's coat. "Thank you." Jo gave Adam a playful smile then reached into her bag and brought out a bottle of white zinfandel; "You sorted dinner, so I thought…" Adam returned her smile and took the bottle; "Thank you; that will go well with the food…I think."

All of a sudden Adam and Jo heard the heavy footsteps run across the landing and down the stairs. Wes ran straight past his father and stood in front of Jo; he extended his hand "Hello; I'm Wes- Wes Carter!" Jo took in his features; he had Adam's blonde hair and blue eyes and Fiona's nose and mouth, freckles dotted his nose and cheeks. She gave the boy a friendly smile and accepted his handshake; "Joanna Portman- but I get Jo- nice to meet you Wes." Wes thought for a second; "Are you daddy's girlfriend?" Jo looked at Adam then back to Wes; "No sweetie, your daddy and I are just friends, we used to work together." Wes looked to his dad and shook his head; "You're in the friend zone, better luck next time." Adam laughed and put his hand on Wes' shoulder; "come on you; dinners ready."

Adam, Wes and Jo sat in the living room; Wes had a football game on his play station and Adam had the other controller. "C'mon c'mon! NO!" Adam set the controller down in defeat; "One more game and then bed, ok?" Wes lifted the controller from his father and handed it to Jo; "Would you like to play the winner?" Jo took the controller; "Yeah that would be fun!" Wes started up a new quick-game and breezed through it, laughing as Jo desperately button-bashed her way to defeat. "That wasn't fair; you had an unfair advantage!" Wes gave a wide smile "Goodnight!" Adam ruffled his sons hair and kissed his head; "Night Wes."

Once Wes had gone upstairs Adam glanced into the kitchen. He and Jo had cleared the dishes after they had eaten and now only the un-opened bottle of wine Jo had brought remained on the counter. Adam went in and lifted the bottle; taking two wine-glasses out of the cupboard while he was there. He went back into the living room at sat down again, handing one of the glasses to Jo. He reached across to the coffee table then rolled his eyes; "Ugh; I forgot the cork-screw." He got up and went back into the kitchen, emerging once again cork-screw in hand. He filled both glasses with the sparkling pink liquid and sat the bottle down on the table.

Adam raised his glass a little and gently tapped it against Jo's; "Cheers" they were almost in sync with the word. Adam took a sip of his wine; "He seems to like you; he's never been that quick to warm to someone before, well…not an adult anyhow." Jo took a drink then swished her glass, almost subconsciously, "He's a credit to you Adam, to you and Fiona. It can't have been easy for you, raising him alone."

Adam set his glass down; he knew what Jo was thinking; "It wasn't easy. The only mother-figure he had was Fiona, then his Grandmother after Fiona…I feel that in some ways he missed out but in others he has benefitted. Him and me, we wouldn't be as close if it wasn't just the two of us. He missed her terribly at first, but he didn't fully understand. Now she's a memory to him, he still asks questions about her, about what she was like when he was small. But he's happy enough."

Jo pursed her lips then exhaled; "I'm sorry Adam. If I'd have went with her that day, as I was meant to. You still would have Fiona. And Wes…Wes would still have his mum."

Adam lifted Jo's glass from her hand and set it down. "Don't Jo. It was never your fault. Fiona knew what was going to happen in that room and she chose to go in alone. Don't blame yourself…I don't blame you, Wes wouldn't blame you. All responsibility falls on Farook."

Jo reclaimed her glass from the table. "Thank you." An awkward silence threatened, the beep of a text on Adams phone broke the atmosphere. He stood up and lifted his phone. He began to pace while reading the message then sighed exasperatedly. "If I've said no once I've said it six times." he muttered.

Jo lowered her eyebrows in confusion; "What's that all about? Are you ok?"

Adam smiled then gave a small laugh; "It's a woman I went on a blind date with; she was a bit ugly and had the personality of a limp teabag."

Jo almost choked on her wine, she swallowed then laughed; "Oh God! And now she keeps texting you wanting to meet up?"

Adam sat back down, lifting his glass of the table and taking a large drink; "Exactly, and short of changing my number I can't get rid of her. I've had interest from women, yes, but this is taking it!"

Jo finished her wine, yet still cradled the glass in her hand; "So…how many women have you dated then?"

Adam finished the contents of his glass, immediately refilling both his and Jo's; "A few, three or four. Nothing worth mentioning, I suppose I've never found anyone that I've liked enough to introduce to Wes. I have to put him first. What about you, how many men have you dated?"

Jo looked away from Adam. "None."

Adam was confused; he lowered his eyebrows and pulled his lips tight; "None? But you said about comparing boyfriends…your flat mate?"

Jo took a long drink from her glass, half emptying it in one gulp. "None, not after, you know…I couldn't trust again, not after what happened with the Red backs."

Adams mind raced back in time. He was in a bare, dirty room. Both he and Jo had been on a mission to infiltrate the Red backs, a terrorist cell. It had gone badly and they had both been taken captive. Jo had been taken out of the room, she had been gone hours. Adam had begun to give up hope when the door to the room opened and a man in a balaclava shoved Jo back into the room. She could barely stand; the devastation in her eyes told Adam everything he had to know. Their torture continued, Adam couldn't recall how long for though they had both held strong and said nothing to their kidnappers. The man came again and removed Jo from the room and again he brought her back in a worse state than before. Adam remembered holding her as she begged for him to take her away from it all, to take her life there and then. He recalled the pain and fear in her eyes as she gave her request, her words echoed in his head, "Don't let them take me Adam." He had held her and promised her he wouldn't let them hurt her, "Too late" he had thought. "Take me away from it" she had begged, he had apologised for everything, that he had brought this on her. "No need, No need" she was trying to hurry him. He had placed his hand just under her chin, he knew how to do it quick, no pain. "You've always been a good person; just do this for me now." She had been desperate. The door opened again and the man entered, Adam held Jo on his lap then released her-her limp body slumping to the ground, He had told her captor he couldn't hurt her anymore. The building was suddenly surrounded by MI-5. As they entered the building Jo had disarmed her captor as he went for Adam. The Troops entered the doorway of the room where they were held and Adam had shut the door. Next thing he was pulling Jo to her feet, holding her again as a mixture of emotions came over her.

Adam pulled himself back to the now, he looked to Jo, she was shaking. She had been thinking; remembering. Adam reached over and took her hand; "It's all about trust, in time you will find someone you can trust that will be willing to be patient and understanding." Jo interlaced her fingers with his; "Yeah." She shifted over and rested her head on his shoulder.

The pair sat in silence for a while, seemingly in thought. "I trust you." Adam looked round, not quite sure if he understood what Jo meant. "What? Oh, right. I trust you too, I always have." Jo sat a little straighter, keeping her hand in his. She looked deep into his eyes "No Adam. I trust you, to be that right person." Adam then realised exactly what she meant. He kept her gaze and placed his other hand on her back; pulling them slightly closer to each other, he lent in and lightly kissed Jo, she returned his kiss with no hesitation. Adam gently pulled away; "Jo…I…" Jo placed her finger over his lips; "Shhh" She slowly dropped her hand and brought her mouth back to his, kissing him fully.

Adam pulled back again and placed his hands either side of Jo's face; "If this is what you want…if I'm who you want then I'll wait until you're ready again." Jo lifted Adam's hands from her cheeks and again entwined her fingers with his. "It is." She let go of his hands then stood; "If you do to." Adam stood and led Jo upstairs, as they entered the bedroom Adam turned to face Jo; "Are you sure it's what you want?" Jo looked up at Adam, she took a step forwards a little farther into the room and placed her hand on the door, closing it slowly; "Yes."

Adam leant on his forearms and smiled down; Jo's cheeks, neck and chest had taken on a pinkish tinge; as had his. He stoked her cheek with his fingertips; "Are you ok? Was it..." Jo returned Adams smile then cut him off; "Good? Yes. It was…amazing." She leant up and kissed him gently. Adam turned and lay on his back; slipping his arm under Jo. Jo laid her head on Adams chest, draping her arm over his stomach.

The day was warm; Adam held Wes' hand as they made their way through the automatic doors of University Hospital. Adam followed the same red line he had followed that morning. Wes held tight to his father's hand, feeling unsure. He read the signs on the wall 'A&E, Oncology, Mortuary' and one he couldn't make out. The pair entered the ward and Adam scanned the room. The bed was empty, it had been re-made and the name wiped from the whiteboard above it. A young nurse left her station and approached him. "Mr Carter? If you'd like to follow me."

The nurse led Adam and Wes down the long narrow corridor; they stopped at the entrance to a smaller six-bed ward. Adam glanced in then ushered Wes in front of him. Jo was sitting up, holding a tiny bundle wrapped in a white blanket. She seemed exhausted yet blissfully happy.

Wes ran to the bedside and sat on the bed; "Does he have a name yet?" Jo smiled at Wes' interest in the new arrival; "I think he does you know." Adam smiled to himself as he watched Jo with Wes and the baby. He went to the bedside and kissed her lightly; "What's his name then?"

Jo looked down at her son; a fine layer of blonde hair covered his head. His eyes were the same as his fathers, though he was sleeping. "I was thinking of…" She was interrupted by a student nurse standing at the foot of her bed; the young woman looked confused; "Sorry to interrupt but It seems as if the girl before me forgot to put your details on the board, can I get them from you? I just need the babies name if it has one and your name."

Jo looked at Adam and then back to her son; "Adam Joseph Carter." Adam placed his hand over Jo's and nodded his approval.

The student gave them a small smile; "And yours?"

Jo ran her thumb over the base of the silver band on her finger and felt as if she would burst with happiness; "Mrs Joanna Carter."


	2. Silhouette

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

* * *

The cool evening breeze gently blew through Adam Carter's thick dirty-blonde hair as he made his way through Thames house car-park to his car; a black Peugeot 206cc. He smiled to himself then took his phone from the pocket of his blazer and dialled a number almost subconsciously; happily anticipating the familiar voice at the other end of the call. "Hello?" Adam lent against the car; "I'm on my way." He got in; enjoying the feel of the real leather seat against his back, then sped off down the route he had mapped out earlier in the day.

An hour and a half later; Adam opened the front door to his central London home and stepped into the hall. He held the small bunch of dark red and white roses he had ordered earlier in the day, picking them up from the florists on his way home. The house was in darkness; only a dim flickering light came from under the kitchen door.

Adam slowly pushed open the kitchen door and looked around the room. The flickering lights had been caused by two candles that sat in the middle of the kitchen table. Either end of the table sat a plate; steam still rising from the medium steak, thick chips and red-wine gravy. He scanned the room; when the same familiar voice he had heard on the phone earlier that evening came from behind him, "Happy anniversary baby."

Adam turned to see Jo standing against the frame of the doorway that led from the kitchen to the study. Her long blonde hair was loose and tousled; she wore only a touch of foundation, set with a light powder while a hint of mascara and dark liner framed her enchanting blue eyes and a light pink gloss gave a shine to her lips. She was wearing a stunning red mid-length dress. The plunging neckline of the garment sloped in a large 'v' starting from the top of its quarter length lace sleeves and stopping just above the gore of Jo's bra. From there the dress hugged her body; its waist nipped in to accentuate the curve of her hips then stopped just below her knee, splitting at the side from its hem to the middle of Jo's thigh. Her black peep-toe stilettos perfected the outfit and gave the illusion of longer legs.

Adam ran his eyes over his wife and smiled appreciatively; "Wow, Jo! You look even more beautiful tonight."

Jo returned his smile and blushed a little; "Thank you darling." She stepped further into the kitchen; "We should probably eat before this gets cold."

Adam removed his blazer and handed Jo the roses; she stroked her finger tips gently over the delicate red and white petals; a white envelope was taped to the inside of the cellophane holding the flowers. Jo carefully removed the envelope and the cellophane before placing the beautiful spray in a clear, U-shaped vase. She then lifted the envelope from the counter and slid the tip of her finger-nail under the fold, breaking the envelopes seal. She removed a card from the envelope and looked at the front, a silhouette of a man and woman stood on a bridge, the shadowed man held the woman in his arms and was leaning to kiss her while the sun faded to a deep orange behind them, casting a fiery glow over their intimate moment. Above the sky sat the words- ' _To My Darling Wife, On Our Anniversary.'_ Through the middle of the sunset in the same silver writing was a verse, - ' _I'll hold your hand forever and your heart if you want me to. We'll be together forever and watch our dreams come true. There's romance love and laughter in the friendship that we share. I want you to know on this day how much I truly care.'_

Jo was moved by Adam's show of affection and felt tears threaten in the back of her eyes, when she opened the card and read it's content she felt glad she had worn water-proof makeup. In Adams neat writing, written in fountain was ' _To my darling Jo, these past five years have been a blessing and I feel like the luckiest man alive to have such a strong, wonderful and beautiful woman by my side. Who would have known that meeting you again would have led to this! Thank you for being there through everything and for being a fantastic mother to our two wonderful boys. I don't know where I would be now if it were not for you. I love you- Adam.'_

Jo closed the card; setting it upright on the counter then put her arms round Adam's neck, bringing her lips to his, "Thank you." She said between kisses; "I love you too."

Adam gently moved from Jo's embrace and gestured to the table; "Come on then soppy. Before that delicious looking steak goes cold." He pulled out a chair for Jo then pushed her chair in once she had sat. He then sat himself down and began to eat.

Looking across to the fridge he took in the pictures that were stuck to its door with magnets of various shapes and colours, one in particular caught his eye- He and Jo stood in the background. Adam wore a white pinstripe shirt and dark blue jeans, black leather shoes on his feet. His usually floppy hair had been spiked up and he was smiling. Jo had worn a deep purple short sleeve blouse and tight super-skinny jeans with black boots that came to just below her knees, her hair was pulled up into a spikey bun. Adam had placed one arm around Jo's waist and she had placed her arm round his. In front of them stood Wes, wearing a blue and cream checked shirt, brown chinos and his school shoes. His now-dusky fair hair had been gelled into messy spikes. Beside Wes stood Adam Jnr. Dressed almost identical to his elder brother, chinos replaced by blue jeans and his light blonde hair neatly brushed.- the family portrait had been taken six weeks before.

Adam looked to a smaller picture beside it, a picture that had been taken five years to the day. –He was stood at the end of one of city hall's smaller registries; wearing a tuxedo with white shirt, ivory waistcoat and a blazer with a white rose. Wes had stood beside him, in a smaller version of his father's attire. Facing Adam was Jo, in a floor length ivory dress that flattered her rounded belly. Clutched in her hand was a small bouquet of red and white roses. Four weeks after they exchanged their vows; their son- Adam Joseph Carter- had made his arrival.

Adam finished his meal in a daydream; though he was quickly brought round when he knocked over his glass, spilling red wine down his white shirt. He stood quickly and reached for a tea towel to mop the spillage off the table.

Jo got up and crossed the kitchen; she smiled and shook her head. "Smart, Adam, very smart."

Adam removed his shirt and took it into the laundry. When he got back to the kitchen the table was cleared apart from the bottle of red and the two glasses. He saw Jo bending down to close the dishwasher; her dress rode up as she did so, exposing more than a little thigh to her husband. Adam crept across the kitchen and opened the palm of his hand; bringing his arm backwards.

"Just you try it; Mr Carter!" Jo laughed then stood up; fixing the risen hem of the dress.

Adam smiled to himself; before Jo could turn round he brought his hand forward and swatted her hard across the buttocks.

Jo gave a small yelp as the sharp pleasure-pain stung for a few seconds; she turned around to see Adam standing shirtless. Every inch of his torso was solid, his chest and abs were pure muscle, as were his arms. Jo subconsciously grazed her lower lip with her teeth, a move that did not go unnoticed by Adam. He closed the gap between them and embraced her, pulling her tight to his body.

Adam lent in and brought his lips to Jo's. She gently ran her lips over his then pulled back and gave him a playful smile; "So; you want me?" She positioned herself so the spilt in her dress teased her husband.

Adam went to kiss her again. "Yes, I want you Jo."

Jo pulled away again; and gave Adam the same playful, yet sexy smile; "If you want me…you'll have to catch me!" She pulled from Adams embrace and ran off down the hall. Adam smiled and blew out the candles that sat on the table. He lifted the re-corked bottle of wine that sat between the two candles and ran after his wife; "Oh you're in trouble!" he laughed as he followed Jo up the stairs.

Adam reached the top of the stairs and saw a flash of red then saw the bedroom door close, he burst through and found Jo standing beside the bed. Setting the bottle down on the dresser he stopped in front of Jo and wrapped his arms tight round her. He tilted her head upwards and buried his face between her neck and shoulder, trailing his lips and tongue gently over the area. Jo gave a small gasp. Between kisses; Adams voice was a deep growl. "Hmmm, caught."

Jo said nothing but pulled Adam onto the bed. He didn't hesitate and swiftly unfastened her dress, gently easing it off her shoulders, down her body and dropping it off the bed.

Jo shivered a little as the cold air hit her body; she then reached down and loosened Adam's belt then slid her fingertips down and unfastened his trousers.

The next half hour passed in a giddy; lusty haze for the couple. They touched, teased, caressed and explored each other as if they had only just discovered the delights of being intimate. Adam stopped and reached for the bottle of wine on the dresser. Jo looked confused for a second then shut her eyes in ecstasy as Adam poured a trail of the drink from her décolletage to just below her navel, and then traced the line with his tongue.

The night was wonderful; Adam nestled between his wife's legs and began to make love with her; he thought back five years, back to the day he had made her Mrs Carter, suddenly Adam stopped and semi withdrew, he knelt then placed his hands under Jo's bottom, bringing her hips towards him. He slid his arms up and under her back and lifted her onto his lap, placing them both in a sitting position. Jo wrapped her legs round Adams waist and her arms round his neck. Adam held Jo tightly in an embrace as she moved with him. They stayed looking into each other's eyes as the heat washed over them, a tingling explosion that coursed through their entire bodies as they shared their moment of euphoria.

The morning sun crept in through Adam's window. He opened his eyes and smiled as Jo lay asleep beside him. She lay partially on her side facing away from Adam; her hair was sprawled out on the pillow and she was making soft sleepy moans. Adam reached out and softly trailed his fingers down Jo's spine then whispered softly "Beautiful."


	3. The Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo's nightmare past returns.

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

* * *

The mid-day sun was blazing hot as Jo sat outside the school in her blue Peugeot 206cc-similar to Adam's. She had the roof and windows down and a slim notebook in her hand; reviewing a high-profile gang story. She shuddered then snapped the pad shut and checked the time on the dashboard; one fifty-six. She got out of the car and walked through the school gates; a few minutes later a bell rang and a gaggle of squealing primary school children raced from the doors. Jo smiled warmly as her five-year-old son; Adam Jnr- ran to her and flung his arms around her waist. She hugged the little boy back and held his hand as they walked to the car; helping him with his seatbelt once they got in. As her son handed her a painting of their family; Jo felt like the proudest woman alive, nothing could take away this happiness.

The room was dark and dusty, two men sat at a table; the larger man was broad and work-tanned, his dark hair flecked with grey. When he spoke he had a malicious tone to his voice; "I gave you the money, and I have been more than patient, I've been patient for eleven years. Now, where is the girl?"

Boscard sat across from the second man, a buyer. His own face was scarred and when he spoke the wire that held his jaw in place was clearly visible. "I've told you, she got away. There was nothing I could do; we were surrounded by her heavily armed friends."

The man lent menacingly across the table and stared straight at Boscard; "You _will_ bring her to me." 

"She's one girl, you could have any other, " Boscard told him almost angrily.

"I paid you for _her_ , it is now a matter of principle." With that; the buyer left the room; leaving Boscard to arrange the next step.

The knocking on the bedroom door woke Jo from her sleep; a tiny voice came from the other side. "Daddy, Mummy! Can I come in?" Adam Jnr waited outside the door as Jo got up and unlocked it; letting her son climb into the bed between her and his dad. Adam Jnr reached over and lifted the TV remote from his parents' bedside table and turned on the Saturday morning cartoons. The door was now ajar and soon another knock came from it and Wes peeked around the side; "Any room for a little-ish one?" Adam shifted over and allowed his eldest son into the bed. The four of them lay in bed watching cartoons for an hour. Adam cuddled his sons and stole a glance at his wife; relishing in the precious time they got to spend as a family.

Adam sat at the kitchen table holding a cup of tea. He was still in his dressing-gown and his hair was damp from the shower. The boys sat in the living room; Wes was sprawled out on the sofa playing his Playstation and Adam Jnr played on the floor with some plastic figures.

Jo stood at the washing machine and pressed a button, the machine whirred into life. She was dressed for the sunny weather that had been forecast and had arrived. Adam kept his gaze on Jo for a moment, she wore a lemon spaghetti-strap blouse with white linen cropped trousers and plain trainers. She had scraped her hair back into a messy ponytail and used only minimal makeup. Adam thought back to the night of their anniversary as a flash of red fabric and tousled blonde curls spread haphazardly on crisp white sheets; crossed his memory. He smiled to himself then got up and placed his arms around Jo's waist, tenderly kissing her neck. "You know something honey? It wouldn't matter to me if you were wearing that sexy red number; these or a bin bag, I'd still think you're beautiful."

Jo lent back a little further into her husband's embrace and placed her hands over his; "Mmm, thanks. What do you want?"

Adam gave a small laugh; "Nothing, I just wanted to let you know that I find you attractive, that's all…" Jo released her light grip on Adam's hands and turned to face him. "Good. Because I just happen to find you rather attractive too!" She gave Adam a quick kiss then lifted her purse from the counter and walked out the side door; "Back in a minute." She called behind her.

Jo clutched the carrier bag containing milk, cheese, snacks for the boys, and a cheeky packet of ten cigarettes for her. Jo felt a presence behind her; a feeling she could not shake. She had felt it for a few minutes but had tried to pass it off as paranoia. She walked a little faster; looking over her shoulder but saw no one. Jo continued to walk quickly towards her home when she felt someone grasp her shoulder and an almost unnoticeable sting to the side of her neck; she didn't look round but instead tried to run. Jo's vision began to blur and her head began to ache. Suddenly her legs gave way and she fell to the pavement; everything went black.


	4. Her nightmare continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo meets the ones who captured her, and a name she thought she'd left in the past stands face to face with her again.

Adam stood in the kitchen and looked at the clock above the sink; it read ten thirty-five. Jo had been gone forty minutes; the shop was five minutes' walk from their house. "Probably got talking to the girl behind the till." He thought; but deep down, something didn't feel quite right. He picked up his phone and dialled her number, there was no answer.

Jo awoke to a thudding in her head and her vision swimming; she was aware that she was lying on the floor and that her arms and legs had been bound. A face came into view but Jo couldn't focus on who it was; the blurred face came closer and trailed her to her feet, she felt herself being pushed down roughly into a chair. Jo squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them again the blur finally ceased and she could see clearly again.

Jo looked around the room; whoever had pushed her to the chair had left. The room was dark, bare and dirty. A small rectangular window to the rear of Jo let in a small amount of light. She was sat at an old, dirty wooden table; its surface chipped with traces of black mould in the crevices.

The door to the room opened and the buyer entered the room flanked by two masked men, one either side of him. He reached into the pocket of his Armani suit and pulled out a crumpled picture; he glanced to the man on his right, "You have done well Boscard. She has changed a bit but that is fine, I was not expecting a young girl by now."

At the mention of the masked man's name Jo's eyes widened it terror. At that moment it took every ounce of her training for Jo to stay calm.

The buyer gave a nod and the two men left the room. He walked over to Jo and placed his hand under her chin; tilting her face towards him. "If you cooperate then we shall leave you relatively unharmed. If you try any…tricks; then you will be very, very sorry. Is that understood, Joanna?"

Jo tried to answer but found she was hoarse; her mouth felt dry and she was becoming aware of a slight scratching feeling in her throat. She slowly nodded to the buyer.

The buyer noticed Jo's inability to speak and ran his thumb over her lips; "Water?" Jo nodded her reply again.

The buyer left the room. Jo took in her surroundings and tried to find a way to untie the ropes that dug into her wrists and ankles; but there was nothing. The door handle turned and the buyer came back into the room holding a glass of cold water. He set in on the table in front of Jo then walked to the other side of the room.

Jo looked at the glass, condensation forming on the outside, trickles of water making tiny tracks down its side. She looked at the buyer and coughed; flashing the ropes on her wrists when he looked at her.

The buyer smiled; "Ah yes, about those." He went to the table and picked up the glass. "I cannot realise you until I am sure I can trust you…I also know that if I were to untie you; you could turn this glass into some form of weapon." The buyer placed the glass to Jo's mouth; she gulped desperately at the cold liquid. She had drunk roughly a quarter of the small glass when the buyer pulled it from her and sat it back on the table.

Jo kept her eyes on the buyer; watching each move he made. "Why am I here?" Jo tried to keep her voice level, trying to hide her fear. The buyer smiled a little and shook his head; "My dear; have you not figured it out yet? No? Well you are here for two reasons. One, you are to be sold on for, well, however my next buyer wants to use you. And two, you are to give my men the information they require on the British government."

Jo looked away; "And if I refuse?"

The buyer kept his smile and again tilted Jo's face upwards, this time he held her jaw a little tighter. He released his grip then slapped her hard across the face. Jo gave a small "ah" as the buyer hit her. Once her cheek had stopped stinging; Jo looked again to the buyer and nodded "I see."

* * *


	5. Harry finds out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam tells Harry of Jo's disappearance.

**Chapter 5: Chapter 5**

* * *

The buyer placed his hand on the table, pushing the glass further from Jo. "That had to be done, my sweet, so you know not to give us any trouble." He lifted the glass and left the room.

Jo let her head fall forward as she thought of her family, they would be worrying.

Adam sat at the kitchen table; Jo had been gone twelve hours, Adam knew something had gone seriously wrong. He got his sons into the car and left them with their grandparents. Adam then drove to Thames house; got out of the car and went straight to Harry's office; "Jo's gone missing." The older man looked up at Adam; "Explain."

Jo sat on the hard wooden chair, trying to wriggle the ropes free from her wrists. The door to the room opened and Jo stopped moving.

The buyer entered the room and stood behind Jo; "Now, if I untie you, you are not to try any of your tricks. Ok?"

Jo nodded; "Ok."

The buyer gave her a wry smile; "Joanna; Joanna… do you really think I believe that?" He looked to the door; "Come in." as he spoke, the two masked men entered the room; pointing their guns at Jo's head and signaling for her to stand.

The buyer pulled her to her feet and untied her hands then her ankles. He then signaled for the men to leave. Once the men had gone; the buyer guided Jo to face him. He ran his hands down her bare arms; "Now, my sweet, I need to make sure I've gotten my money's worth, don't I?" He pulled her closer to him.

Jo pulled herself from his grip; "No!"

The buyer slapped her again; this time Jo retaliated- punching the buyer, her strike hitting his cheek. He struck back; catching Jo on the mouth, sending her stumbling back and falling to the floor. The buyer followed her to the ground and pressed his weight on top of her; "You have just made this a lot worse for yourself."

Adam paced the floor of the office and looked at the clock. Jo had been gone 15 hours now. He felt sick at the thoughts running through his mind. Harry had done all he could at the moment but no one had seen her. CCTV from the shop saw her entering and leaving, but the street cameras had only caught her halfway home, and they hadn't caught the alleyway from which she was taken. All Adam could do now was watch the clock and think.


	6. A broken promise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam's promise to Jo is destroyed.

**Chapter 6: Chapter 6**

* * *

Jo sat on the floor with her head in her hands; she ran the back of her hand across her eyes and looked over to the buyer; he was fastening his belt. Jo felt a wave of nausea come over her; she felt degraded and dirty, a feeling she had known before.

The buyer turned around and saw that Jo was visibly upset; "What are you crying for? You do that with your husband, it is not a new thing for you."

Jo tried to level her voice and dry her tears, but the shock of what the man had just done made it hard to do so. Jo thought back a few hours; she had been planning to tell Adam something he had waited months to hear, something she now had to tell this man standing in the room. "I'm pregnant…please just let me go and I'll tell no one. About where you are or what you just did."

The buyer strode over and hauled Jo to standing; "Pregnant? I cannot have one of my women carrying another man's child!" He frog-marched Jo to the chair and pushed her onto it then left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Jo thought back to her family, how Adam would be out of his mind with worry, while Wes and Adam Jnr would by now have been aware of Jo's absence.

The door re-opened and the buyer; along with the two masked men; entered the room. The two men walked over and pulled Jo from her seat then led her out of the room and into another.

Jo looked around the other room; it was well lit, a low dirty, wooden table sat in the middle of the floor, a few metal briefcases sat on a rusty medical trolley. Suddenly Jo was thrust onto the table and pinned down by the two men, it was then Jo realized they weren't alone. Three more men, also in balaclavas, stood around. A million thoughts ran through Jo's head, but one was the most prominent; "Gang-rape." She kicked out at the men at the foot of the table, only to be hit in the side by one of the men pinning her.

Two more men held Jo to the table as the buyer removed his belt and folded it in half, he placed it In Jo's mouth as a gag; "This will hurt…bite down if you need to." Jo's eyes widened in terror as the final masked man un-wound a wire hanger and straightened it out. She struggled against the men pinning her, trying to prevent this horrifying fate. Moments later a sickening scream rang through the almost abandoned building.

The door to the first room opened and Jo was shoved into it. She managed to stagger to the wooden chair and sit. Tears stung her cheeks and she felt horrifically nauseous, she looked down and saw the middle of her once-white trousers was stained red. An excruciating pain came in waves from between her legs up into her abdomen.

The door to the room opened again and the buyer entered holding a small filthy plastic bucket; "If you need to use it…if anything passes…then do so."

Jo didn't look at him; she stayed where she was until he had left. Once the door shut, Jo staggered to the bucket and dropped to her knees, within moments a layer of vomit filled the bottom of the bucket. She made her way back to the chair and folded her arms on the table, laying her head down on them. She fell into an exhausted, yet troubled sleep.

Adam sat at the long glass table; almost twenty hours and still no sign of Jo. His eyes were red from exhaustion and tears, he held a mug of coffee in his hands willing himself to stay awake. A knock came to the door of the office; it was Ruth. She offered Adam to go and sleep while she stayed up and waited for any information on Jo, he accepted the offer and went into the side room. As he slept his dreams were haunted by visions of him and Jo years before; his own words echoed in his head; "I'll not let them hurt you."


	7. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo is brought to her knees.

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7**

* * *

The mid-morning sun broke through the small window of the room, throwing a sliver of light across the back of Jo's hair. She had fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning, though she was unsure what time. All she had been aware of was the pain and nausea that had exhausted her. When she awoke she was still in pain; a horrible taste filled her mouth and she felt dirty.

The door opened and one of the masked men entered holding a slice of bread and a plastic glass filled a quarter of the way with water. He set it down in front of Jo; his voice was all too familiar. Jo flinched as Boscard spoke. "Five minutes, then I'll be back." He left the room. A realisation came over Jo; she hadn't eaten and had only a sip of water since she had first awoken in that room. She folded the bread in half and finished it in no more than three mouthfuls, barely chewing it. She reached for the water and swallowed it in one gulp.

The door opened and Boscard, unmasked, entered again. He lifted the glass and leered at Jo for a moment; her blood ran cold. He gave her a cruel smile then left the room.

Jo thought back to when she first met Adam, he had called at her door using the pretence that he was the gas man. She hadn't been fooled and had followed him. Within weeks she was a fully trained junior case officer. They had faced many threats together, risked their lives and saved the other on countless occasions. She had witnessed him break down only weeks after Fiona's death, something he never blamed her for…even telling her to stay when she was about to resign.

She remembered back to when she got news that Adam had been killed in an explosion, she had taken it badly, even then her feelings for him had been badly hidden. She had been shocked to hear his voice in the coffee shop that day they met again, but not surprised. His death had been faked; just as her own death had been faked a while after. Section D was to be disbanded; the agents deaths were faked to keep them safe. A year after Adam and Jo were married, Harry Pearce had re-commissioned Section D, asking both agents to return to the field. Adam had accepted, Jo declined- choosing instead to stay at home with the boys, while working part time as Aimee Parker- a pseudonym in journalism.

Jo was brought out of her daydream by the opening of the door; The buyer entered flanked by two of the masked men, he approached Jo and placed his hand on her shoulder; "How are you feeling Joanna? You look a bit peaky."

Jo shrugged her shoulders, trying to shake off the buyer's hand; "Don't touch me."

The buyer lifted his hand from Jo's shoulder then grabbed her by the shirt; pulling her up to stand. He kept one hand on her shirt and raised the other as if to hit her. He then laughed and gave Jo two short, sharp slaps on the cheek. Not giving enough force to hurt but enough to show her he could if he wished. He then realised his grip on her shirt and pushed one of its fallen straps back into place. "The men want to ask you a few questions about your…previous occupation…you will be honest and withhold nothing,. Is that understood?"

Jo nodded in agreement; she was then led ,at gunpoint, into the same room as the previous evening. By now a chair had been set at each of the longer sides of the table; the bottom end of it was stained with blood; her blood. She felt sick at the gory image.

Jo was shoved onto one of the chairs as one of the men sat across from her, a standard issue baton and a pair of pliers sat in front of him. Another of the men spoke up; "He wants her as intact as possible, make those a last resort."

Jo curled her hands into fists; trying to protect her nails. She had been here before; she knew the pain of having each fingernail slowly ripped from the nail-bed. She shuddered nervously at the thought.

The man across from her placed his hand over the baton; "How did MI5 know about the recent plans to bring down the houses of parliament?"

Jo stared through him; "I no longer work for MI5."

He closed his hand round the baton and gave a nod to one of the other men; who grabbed Jo's wrists and forced her to uncurl her fists, keeping her hands flat on the table. The man across from her repeated the question, slower this time. "How did MI5 know about the recent plans to bring down the houses of parliament?"

Jo braced herself; "I no longer work for the British government."

She cried out as the metal of the baton came down hard against the skin on her hands; there was no crack, she knew nothing had been broken. The man who was holding her wrists let go and hauled her to her feet. The man across from her got up and came to face her. She was asked the question again, and repeated her reply. She gave another yell as the baton came down hard against the backs of her legs.

With each question Jo gave the same reply. Eventually her interrogator set down his weapon and took his hand to Jo each time she refused to answer him.

An hour passed them by and still Jo refused to divulge any information. Every part of her hurt and her hand was swollen from being struck with the baton. The man who had interrogated her looked to the other; "Put her against the wall." He did as he was instructed and frog-marched Jo to the other side of the room and pushed her against the wall; "Stay there."

Jo noticed that the man who had been interrogating her had left the room; but his absence was short lived. He entered again; this time holding two buckets. He set one down and walked to where Jo stood, he stood less than a metre away and brought the bucket forward; throwing iced water around her. Jo gasped as the freezing liquid saturated her clothes and ran down her face. The man questioned her again; again she gave him no answer. He lifted the other bucket.

Adam sat across from Harry, he looked at the clock. Over twenty-four hours. There was a silence within the grid as everyone waited. Adam pressed his fingers to his temples as he stared at the case file in front of him: MISSING PERSONS-JONANNA CARTER.

* * *


	8. The discovery.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam gets a call.

**Chapter 8: Chapter 8**

* * *

Jo sat on the floor; against the wall behind the wooden table. Her chair had been taken from the room. She had been brought back into 'her' room after she had refused to answer their questions. Around seven buckets of iced water had been thrown over her but she had held out and gave nothing away. A few hours had passed and her clothes and hair had almost dried but she was shivering. Suddenly the door opened and the buyer entered clutching a plastic mug of steaming tea.

He held the mug out for Jo to take but when she reached out he threw it across the room. His face was stony and he looked at Jo with annoyance. "Are you stupid; Joanna? Do you realise they could have done much worse in that room? If you just answer their questions and cooperate then you will go unharmed. You know that I can make it all stop, but I can only do that if you do as I say. I dislike it when _my_ women do not act as they should. Do not make me lose my temper." He went over to the mug and picked it up from the floor then left the room.

The days went in slowly, each day keeping a similar routine. Jo would be given a piece of dry bread and small amount of water, with a time limit to eat it in. She would be left to wait until the buyer, or one of the men, came to question her. She had been slapped, punched and hit with a baton; as well as being drenched with buckets of iced water by her interrogators. Then she was left back in the room just to do nothing; nothing but sit and wait, to think of home, to think of her boys, to think of Adam.

Jo had been shoved back into the room once again, a room that over the past few days had become her sanctuary. _He_ had been the interrogator that day; she knew his voice and had answered his questions with a piercing glare and silence. The door to the room burst open and he strode in, a wooden stick in his hand. He didn't cover his face this time.

Boscard crossed the room and pulled Jo to her feet. He slapped her hard; "The buyer's gone now 'sweetie' and he's not going to be back for a while, so me and the boys…get to have a little fun."

Jo hit back, but he was armed. He followed her to the ground; "Do you remember how this feels." Jo's screams proved fruitless, and his face was once again etched into her memory. That afternoon, each one of those men did as they pleased.

\---------------

Jo knelt over the filthy bucket, the smell of stale vomit making her retch even more. It had been weeks since the men had first assaulted Jo, but since then it had become a daily occurrence. She would be given the bread and water, interrogated, and then violated. The buyer had used her, frequently, as well, though Jo never gave in and fought every single time; however she was no match for the men.

The evening was drawing to a close as Timothy Jessop walked his wolf-hound-Khyber- along the banks of the Thames. The dog ran into the small over grown garden of an old lock keepers cabin; As Jessop followed him in he heard a woman's screams. Jessop took his mobile phone from his pocket and dialled a number; "Hello; yes police please; I'd like to report a possible assault."

* * *


	9. The wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam waits at the hospital

**Chapter 9: Chapter 9**

* * *

The bedside alarm clock read twelve-forty five A.M. Adam was awoken by his mobile phone; he answered it and was surprised to hear Harry Pearce's voice. "Adam; We found Jo.."

Adam stood leaning against his car. It was six in the morning and The Police and Immigrations car park was packed end to end with waiting husbands, fathers, mothers and friends of each of the twelve women found to be victims of the human traffickers. He scoured the crowd as the doors of the police cars opened and the women were escorted into either the police station or waiting ambulances. The women were in various states, Adam could tell those who had been compliant to those who had not.

After what seemed like an eternity; one of the car doors opened and Adam recognised its passenger straight away. Jo was being led to one of the awaiting ambulances by a female officer. Her clothes were dirty and stained; the once lemon shirt was now stained and her white trousers had become greyish, Her skin and hair were grimy and she looked unwell. He forced back the tears that stung his eyes as he watched his wife being helped into the back of an ambulance.

Adam sat on the cold hard chair in the hospital corridor; a white plastic carrier bag in his hand. It was now nine o'clock and he had yet to be given any information on Jo. He checked the contents of the carrier bag again, though he had checked it countless times. A door at the far end of the corridor opened and a sympathetic looking older staff nurse approached him; "Mr Carter?"

Adam set the carrier bag on the seat beside him and stood; "How is she?"

The nurse gave Adam a half smile and shook her head; "Mr Carter; your wife is in a bad way. I can't disclose every detail due to patient confidentiality…and the fact that she won't tell us what happened…but Mrs Carter is suffering the effects of dehydration and malnutrition as well as pneumonia and mild hypothermia. She has been put on a saline drip to rehydrate her and Intravenous antibiotics to fight the pneumonia." The nurse saw the concern in Adams eyes and placed her hand on his side; "I wish I could say that is all, but Mr Carter; when we examined your wife internally we found signs of serious sexual assault…she is going to need a small procedure to close her cervix."

Adam wiped his eyes with his sleeve; "How long will that take? Will I be able to see her once she comes round from the anaesthetic?"

The nurse looked confused for a second then gave Adam another sympathetic glance; "Mr Carter, the procedure will be done under local anaesthetic, I think she will be ready to go home in the next few hours, once the drip empties and she's better hydrated, the best place for her will be at home in her own bed for a few days." The nurse turned and walked back through the doors she had come out of.

Adam tried to distract himself by thumbing through the magazines and leaflets that sat scattered on the seats. The slow ticking of the clock echoed through his head as the minutes dragged by excruciatingly. Adam's eyes felt heavy, he let exhaustion take hold as he slumped against the seat and fell asleep.

Adam was woken by a hand on his shoulder; he opened his eyes and saw the officer that had escorted Jo to the hospital. "Mr Carter?"

Adam brought himself round and stood up; he disliked looking up to people as he spoke to them. "Yes, is everything alright?"

The officer glanced down at the carrier bag; "We have had to take Mrs Carters clothes, for evidence. Do you have anything with you she could wear? The doctors think she's ready to discharge now."

Adam handed the carrier bag to the officer; "Yes; just something loose and comfy." As the officer went down the corridor, Adam looked at the clock- twelve thirteen pm.

* * *


	10. Let's go home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Jo are reunited

**Chapter 10: Chapter 10**

* * *

The clock read twelve-thirty P.M. Adam stood as the heavy metal door swung open again. He walked to them as quick as he could and pulled Jo close to him. He kissed the top of her head; not caring that she was unwashed.

Jo held Adam for a few moments then pulled back and gently touched Adams arm; "Can we go home now?"

Adam placed his hand on the small of Jo's back to guide and support her. He was confused when she pulled away. She looked up at him and touched his hand slightly; "It's not you; I just hurt everywhere, that's all."

Adam brushed his hand lightly against hers; "It's ok babe. Come on then; let's get you home." He slowly walked her to the car and opened the door for her; she winced as she sat down. As they drove home Adam noticed that Jo was thinking. He brushed against her as he changed gears; "What is it Jo? What are you thinking about?"

Jo flicked him a quick look; "What have you told the boys? Do they think I just walked out on our family? Adam. Did you think I'd just walked out and left you?"

Adam nearly slammed the brakes but managed to keep his composure; "Jesus Christ! No. Jo I never once thought you had left us. I told Adam that you had to go away for a while; but I'm going to have to tell him as much of the truth as he'll understand. And Wes; I told him from the beginning that I thought you had been taken. Though I still haven't told him why, we both know I couldn't."

Jo nodded; "How are they? Are they at home? They can't see me like this."

Adam could hear a mix of anger, pain and surprisingly to him; guilt in Jo's voice. He shook his head; "No love; they're at Wes' grandparents. They're fine but they miss you. They don't know you're coming home today. I'm going to tell them later; when you're feeling up to it."

Jo looked at Adam; "Ok."

* * *


	11. Home

Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Adam helped Jo up the steps to the house then opened the front door. Jo breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped into her hall; she had never been so relieved to be home. Not since the Red-back incident years before. She flicked on the immersion heater and slowly made her way to the bathroom, each step sending cramps through her lower half. Adam offered to help but she politely declined.  
Jo relaxed under the flow of the hot shower and shut her eyes; relishing the feeling of the warm water on her skin and the gentle scent and silkiness of her body-wash. She washed herself thoroughly, the water running brown as it flowed down the drain.  
She heard a knock on the bathroom door and Adam entered carrying clean towels and pyjamas; "You were in a bit of a rush to get in there I think. You forgot these." He waited until Jo had turned the shower off and turned to hand her a towel; he stopped in his tracks as the extent of Jo's injuries became visible. He had seen the bruising to her face and arms but not this.  
A patchwork of black and purple covered Jo's entire body; reddish scratches snaked along areas of her skin. She was heaviest bruised on her wrists, stomach, chest and inner thighs. She was thinner and looked ill and exhausted.  
Adam dropped the towels and reached out, bringing Jo closer to him. He held her to him gently; afraid of hurting her. He forced back his own tears as he kissed Jo's cheek; "I told you I'd never let them hurt you. I'm so sorry; I'm so sorry I couldn't stop them." A few of the tears that had threatened now slid their way down Adam's face.  
Jo eased herself from Adams embrace then took his face in her hands and looked into his eyes, "It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could've done. You made a promise to not let them hurt me that day; but not after. We weren't to know what they were going to do. Don't blame yourself."  
Jo stepped back and reached down for the towel; another cramp ripped through her abdomen making her cry out. Adam quickly placed one hand on Jo's shoulder and the other on the small of her back; "Slowly honey, I'll get the towel." He reached down and picked it up, then handed it to Jo. She gave him a thin smile; "Thank you."  
Adam returned her smile; "Do you want me to leave you to it or…?"  
Jo shook her head; "Yeah, I'd rather just sort myself out; but thanks."  
Adam picked up the discarded pink tracksuit bottoms and white t-shirt from the bathroom floor then left the room.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Chapter 12**

* * *

Adam stood against the counter. He waited until the kettle flicked up and poured the boiling water into the two cups in front of him and stirred. He took the two cups into the living room and sat them down beside some sandwiches on the small coffee table in front of the sofa.

The hairdryer in the hallway stopped and Jo walked into the living room; she winced slightly as she sat down beside Adam. She looked at the sandwiches and then at Adam; "Is one of those for me?"

Adam smiled and moved the plate of peanut butter and banana sandwiches towards Jo. He had never seen her eat so franticly. He waited until she had finished her food then reached over and took her hand; "Jo. Is there anything at all you want to tell me about? About what happened back there?"

Jo shut her eyes for a moment then exhaled; "No. Adam I don't want to talk about it really. I just want to forget about it and get on with things. But thank you."

He kissed her hand then got up from the sofa; "Will you be ok for a moment while I go and collect the boys? I won't be long. An hour at most. I'll lock the doors behind me, I love you." He lent down and kissed Jo lightly on the lips then left the house, double checking the lock as he left.

Jo got up from the sofa and took the plate and cups into the kitchen. She washed the cups and lifted the plate to wash it. A draught caused the kitchen door to slam shut; Jo jumped at the sudden noise, dropping the plate. It crashed to the floor, shattering into pieces on impact. Jo looked down at the broken plate; She crouched down to pick up the bits and yet another pain tore through her; "Ah! Shit." She picked up the pieces of broken ceramic and winced as she pulled herself back to her feet.

She disposed of the broken plate then lent against the kitchen counter, palms on its top. She waited until the cramping ceased then looked up at the clock; three P.M

Adam sat in his former in-laws driveway; his sons in the back seat of the black Peugeot. He turned to face them as best he could then looked to his youngest; Adam Jnr; he seemed happy enough just seeing his dad. Adam then looked to Wes; he saw a look in his eyes he had seen years before; when he told him about his mother's death. He cleared his throat and gathered his thoughts; trying to think of how to explain the situation to Adam Jnr. "Adam; Wes, I need you both to listen to me a moment; your mum's home. But the reason she was away was because bad men took her. They hurt her, and she's got a lot of bruises. Mum also had to have a small operation earlier today so she's a bit sore. If you're hugging her; especially you Adam; be gentle. Ok?"

Adam Jnr nodded; "Yes daddy."

Adam looked over to Wes; who nodded his understanding. He looked back to Adam Jnr; "As well as being a bit bruised and sore; Mums not very well and a bit upset so don't play up or go on at her; ok boys?"

Both Wes and Adam Jnr nodded. Adam noticed that Wes was thinking and reached for his son's hand and hushed his voice; "I know that was a rubbish explanation son, but if you wait 'til he's in bed later I'll explain more. Jo doesn't want to talk about it."

Wes looked at his dad. "Yeah, that would be best."

Jo sat curled up on the sofa; she heard the front door unlock then the comforting voices of her husband and sons. Adam Jnr ran into the living room and threw his arms round Jo; she held her son tightly to her and kissed his head and cheek; "Hi sweetie. Oh I've missed you.I love you so much."

Adam Jnr looked up then put his hand on his mother's cheek; "Did a bad man hit you mummy?"

Jo froze for a second as million thoughts ran through her head; how did she explain her battered appearance to her children. She thought for a moment then lifted her son onto the sofa beside her; "Yes sweetheart. But mummy doesn't really want to talk about it. Ok? Don't worry though, I'm fine."

Adam Jnr planted a small kiss on his mother then slid off the sofa and went off to play.

Wes; who had been watching from the doorway, stepped cautiously into the room. He seemed unsure of what to do or what to say; he felt a mixture of confusion and anger, and of sympathy. Confusion at not knowing the full story, and anger at why someone would have wanted to do this to Jo.

He went over and hugged her, a lot gentler than his brother had; he smiled as he felt a light kiss on his head and cheek, no different than his younger brother had been treated. "Missed you."

Jo smiled a little; "I missed you too darling, and I hope you know I didn't go away because I don't love you, because I do, I love the three of you with all my heart."

Wes pulled back from his step mother's hug and smiled; "We love you too M… Jo."

Adam stood leaning against the door, happy t see his family together. He moved to the sofa, letting Jo put her legs over his lap; then switched on the T.V; trying to keep things as normal for his boys as possible. After a while he started the dinner for himself and the boys; Jo had been told to eat light for a few days, letting her stomach get used to food again.

Adam looked to the bottles that now occupied a small corner near the kettle; each one containing different medications sent home from the hospital earlier that day; Painkillers, Antibiotics and Iron tablets, along with high energy food supplements and preventative medications sat waiting to be counted and taken.

* * *


	13. 13

**hapter 13: Chapter 13**

* * *

Jo sat at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of her. It had been three weeks since she had been rescued from her captors and reality was beginning to hit hard. As she sat at the table a car horn sounded outside, Jo jumped; spilling the contents of her cup onto the table. For the third time that morning; Jo burst into tears, the slightest thing set her off. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve then got up slowly, she was still sore. She picked up the Dettol and a dishcloth and wiped up the spill; a thought flashed through her mind. She was being held down; Boscard was on top of her; his hand tightening round her throat, she blacked out.

The flashback made Jo feel physically sick, she sprinted to the sink and retched. As she turned the tap to rinse the mess she fought back the tears that threatened.

Another thought raced through her mind "Stop it Jo! If you cry, if you show you're hurting, they've still got you. You may as well be back in that room." She took a deep breath and composed herself; Wes and Adam Jnr would be home from school soon and they would be looking for their dinner. She splashed a bit of water over her face then exhaled; "You're a Mother now, not a newbie agent; pull yourself together."

Around half an hour later the door opened Wes and Adam Jnr arrived home from school. Jo took schoolbags and coats and checked for notes in Adam Jnr's bag. She then set down their dinner-Sausages, mash and beans- then checked her phone. "How was school then?"

Adam Jnr finished a mouthful then looked up at his mother; "We got to see a hamster, and it was really tickly walking over my hand!"

Jo smiled at him; "Oh that sounds like it was really fun! Did you see any other pets?"

Adam Jnr shook his head; "No, that was it." He then went back to his dinner.

Jo noticed that Wes was unusually quiet, though he was racing through his food. "Wes, are you alright honey?"

Wes replied with a grunt and continued eating, not saying a word to his step-mother or brother.

Jo waited until both boys had finished then send Adam Jnr off into the living room. She cleared the plates to the sink then pulled her chair closer to Wes; "Wes. What's wrong? You're very quiet."

Wes shrugged his shoulders; "Just stuff, you wouldn't get it."

Jo reached across and placed her hand over Wes'; trying to comfort him. He pulled away; "Piss off."

Jo stood and went to the sink and ran the tap over the dishes; "Don't speak to me like that Wes; I'm only trying to help."

Wes stood up as well, and then muttered something under his breath "Patronising bitch."

Jo heard him. She knew Wes' behaviour wasn't like him. But she wasn't able to tolerate it. For weeks she had been waking screaming in the night, her dreams where flashbacks to both incidents. She was exhausted and couldn't cope with Wes' attitude at that moment. She turned to face him, though he had his back to her; "Excuse me! What did you call me?"

Wes ignored her and began to text someone. Jo raised her voice this time; "Wes Carter! You don't speak to me like that! You know what, you're grounded!"

Wes turned and strode over to Jo; he came within centimetres of her face. He began to raise his voice; "You do not tell me what to do! You aren't my fucking mother! Get it?"

Suddenly Jo felt intimidated, she was pinned between Wes and the sink and he was shouting in her face. Before she could think she reacted and slapped Wes.

He looked stunned; in the years he knew Jo, and all the times they had rowed-no matter how cheeky he had gotten; Jo had never lifted her hand to him; even when he was ten years old and acting up it had always been his father who dealt with him if he needed it. Wes swore at his step-mother then stormed off, his feet thudding up the stairs. His bedroom door slammed shut.

Jo lent against the kitchen sink then put both hands to her face in shock; realising what she had just done.

* * *


	14. 14

**Chapter 14: Chapter 14**

* * *

Adam opened his front door and looked at the small clock on the sideboard; five fifteen. As he shut the door behind him, Adam Jnr ran from the living room and threw his arms round his father.

Adam lifted his son and kissed him then sent him back into the living room. He went into the kitchen and saw Jo sitting at the table looking red-eyed and dishevelled. He went over and put his hand on her shoulder; she shrugged off his gesture.

Adam tried again to comfort Jo and she shrugged him off her again; "I'm so sorry Adam. I didn't mean to do it, I don't really know what happened but I panicked and lashed out. He hates me now and I can't take it back." Jo was crying again and she was speaking so fast she was almost incoherent.

A door upstairs slammed and feet thumped down the stairs. Wes appeared in the kitchen doorway; he had been crying and one side of his face was reddened. He looked angrily at Jo then to his father; "She still hasn't fully told you that she hit me then!"

Adam looked to Wes then back to Jo. He ran his hand through his hair. He struggled to keep the mix of anger and confusion from his voice. "I don't doubt that you hit him Joanna. But why did you slap my son? It's not like he's a troublemaker who's always getting in trouble and it was the only way to sort him out! Could sitting down and talking to him not have worked a little better? "

Jo wiped her eyes then looked over at Wes; "Wes I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't mean to hurt you I just panicked."

Wes rolled his eyes and raised his voice again; "Forget it. You don't accidently slap someone so of course you meant to hurt me."

Adam slammed his hand down on the table, trying to hush the shouting between his son and his wife. Jo started; and gave a whimper; at Adam's sudden aggressiveness.

Adam looked again to Wes and Jo; "Joanna, what happened?"

Jo exhaled, trying to compose herself. "Wes seemed upset after school, I tried to ask him what was wrong and comfort him but he was having none of it, he back-talked me-but swearing at me. Then when I told him he was grounded he got in my face, I was between him and the sink and he was shouting and I don't know why but I felt scared and I lashed out. I'm sorry."

Adam looked over at Wes. He was looking to the floor. "Wes. Is that right?"

Wes couldn't look his father in the eye; "Yeah but that doesn't give her the right to hit me, she's not my mother."

Adam clenched his fists and raised his voice; "Enough; both of you! Wes; you don't get into anyone's face like that and not expect them to react. And Jo may not be your mother but she doesn't need it shoved in her face; she's done a damn good job over the past five years and has never treated you any different to your brother. Jo; I'll speak to you in a moment; alone. Wes; could you make sure Adam doesn't come into the kitchen for a while. Neither of you need to hear this."

Wes looked to his father and step-mother, a look of fear and guilt crossed his face. He left the room, closing the door gently behind him.

Adam pulled a chair up beside Jo; he hushed his voice, so the boys wouldn't hear. "You were both to blame on that. He shouldn't have gotten in your face. But why do you think you got frightened? He's a fifteen year old boy; and even if he had for some reason gone to hit you, you could have stopped him before he'd barely lifted his hand."

Jo shook her head; "I don't know Adam. I just…I just felt scared."

Adam gently pushed a stray hair off Jo's face; "Did you think; even for a second. That Wes could have hurt you; the way they did?"

Jo stayed silent.

Adam reached over and took her hand; "Please, just talk to me. You've said nothing about what happened and you've been a nervous wreck. Do you think I don't know that you hardly sleep and when you do you keep waking up; terrified? Please just tell me what went on or even get help!"

Jo pulled her hand away; "No! I don't need to talk about it, I don't want to talk about it. I want to forget about it!"

Adam thought for a moment then left the room to speak to Wes.

* * *


	15. Agrophobia

**Chapter 15: Chapter 15**

* * *

Adam set his phone down on the arm of the sofa then ran his hand through his hair and wiped across his eyes with his sleeve. He had just made one of the toughest decisions he had made in a while. He went upstairs and looked into his son's rooms; they were deep in sleep. He opened the door to his own room and sat on the bed and watched Jo; she was having another nightmare.

He went to their wardrobe and pulled out the pink and blue sports bag from the floor and selected a few plain t-shirts and jeans then went into the drawer and removed three pairs of pyjamas and some underwear. After he had packed everything that was needed into the holdall; he took it to the car.

Adam came back and lay down in the bed beside Jo and gently ran his hand down her arm. "I have to do this; for all of us." He was barely audible in the hushed darkness.

The alarm went off as usual at six. Jo got up and made her way to the kitchen to sort her family out with their breakfast. Adam followed a few moments later. He waited until Jo was facing him then went over and hugged her; running his hands through her hair and softly kissing her cheek. He tried to stop his guilt and sadness showing in his voice. "I love you. Baby I love you so much."

Jo took a half step back and looked up at her husband; "Is everything ok Adam?"

He stroked her cheek; moving stray hair behind her ear; "Yeah. Listen; I'm going to take the boys to school today; you just relax."

Jo looked confused; "Adam if this is about yesterday. If you feel you can't trust me with the boys then all I can say is that it will never happen again. I swear."

Adam kissed her again; "No sweetheart; I trust you. I just want to take a bit of time with them, that's all."

Jo smiled back and returned Adams kiss; "Ok. I should get them up anyhow."

Adam sat alone in his car; a thousand thoughts running through his head. How would he explain this to his sons; they had been through enough and how could Jo forgive him; if she even would. He opened the door and got out. He stood against the car for a moment and gathered his thoughts.

Jo stood against the kitchen sink and turned on the tap; holding her bleeding hand below the running water. The slamming of the car door had startled her; causing her to drop another cup. As she had picked up the broken pieces; she had cut her hand on a thick shard of ceramic.

Moments later; Adam entered the kitchen and saw the broken cup on the floor. He walked over to Jo; her eyes were red and her cheeks still damp. Adam looked to the sound of running water then guided Jo's hand from under the tap. "That looks nasty. What happened? Are you ok?"

Jo glanced down to the mess of broken cup and coffee on the floor then winced as Adam pressed a clean dish cloth onto her palm and closed her hand into a fist. "It was stupid really. I lost my grip on the mug and went to pick up the bits; that's all."

Adam kept pressure on Jo's hand for a few moments; "That must've been quite painful; you've been crying."

Jo faked a half smile; "I was just being stupid. It hurt a bit and made my eyes water that's all."

Adam checked under the dish cloth that was now soaked red; "Are you sure that's all it was, or did you panic over something again? Jo; are you sure there's nothing you want to talk to me about?"

Jo glared at Adam, annoyed by his constant pushing; "Adam! Drop it. I've told you; I want to forget, stop going on."

Adam lent forward and gently kissed Jo's head; "Ok, Ok. I'm sorry; I'm just concerned that's all. Keep pressure on that." He got the brush and a cloth and cleaned up the mess. He then went to the cupboard below the sink and pulled out a small shoe box and set it on the draining board. Adam removed the bloodied dishcloth from Jo's hand and tore the top from an antiseptic wipe.

Jo stroked his arm with her other hand; "I can do all this myself you know honey."

Adam removed the small white paper from its packaging and a clinical smell filled the air. A sense of guilt filled Adam; "I…I know. But I don't mind. You've done it for me often enough."

Jo grimaced as Adam swiped the wipe along her hand. He removed a small pad of cotton and a wrap of gauze from the box and pressed the cotton pad onto Jo's hand then wrapped it tight with the gauze. He gently ran the tips of his fingers over hers. "There. To be honest it could probably do with stiches; but we'll see how that goes."

Jo gave Adam another half-smile. "Thanks."

Adam looked at the clock and swallowed; he knew he couldn't hold off any longer. "You coming for a drive?"

Jo looked out the window and a familiar fear gripped her; her secret fear that she had kept from her family for weeks. "No. No thanks. Theirs things I need to do around here."

Adam saw the flash of fear in Jo's eyes. He faked a smile; "It's fine. We'll both get things done when we get back. Come on, just you and me for an hour or so. When was the last time we went and drove round aimlessly and had a coffee?"

Jo shut her eyes; just for a second and faked a smile just as her husband had done. "Ok…that would be nice."

Adam left the kitchen. Jo tentatively followed him to the hallway. As Adam opened the front door; Jo's heart began to pound in her chest ; she struggled to breathe and had begun sweating . "I can't! Shut the door Adam!"

Adam turned round and found Jo leaning against the banister; there was terror in her eyes. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders; "Jo; breathe. It's ok; everything's ok darling." He stayed with Jo until she had regained her composure ten minutes later. "You're going to need to do this Jo. We will just be in the car, and I'll be there the whole time. Ok?"

Jo gave a small nod. Adam walked with her to the car. As they drove off a thought ran through Adams mind; If Jo was having panic attacks and had been unable to go outside then who had been getting the boys to school, the shopping in; among other things. He decided that now was not the time for those questions.


	16. Tring.

**Chapter 16: Chapter 16**

* * *

The sky around Exeter was dull and grey. Tiny drizzles of rain smattered against the windscreen. Adam looked to his left; Jo had fallen asleep just before they had reached the M4. Three hours ago. She had been exhausted; foundation could cover the dark circles caused by nights of almost non-existent sleep; but it couldn't hide lethargy.

Adam pulled over and lifted his phone from the tray at the hand brake. He searched Wes' number. ' _Will be out until late. Mind Adam, Money for dinner under clock. Will explain later. Love you, Dad.'_

Adam felt the thrum of the engine as he rested his hands on the steering wheel. Two more hours and they would be there. Adam watched Jo for a few moments as a strong wave of guilt hit him. He drove on along the A30, his mood was as grey as the weather and he felt as though his stomach was made of lead.

The loud squeal of a lorry's horn startled Jo from her sleep. She sat up straight and looked out of the windscreen. They were on a narrow country road, the rain had become heavier and puddles now splashed up the side of the car. She looked over to Adam, he seemed drained.

Jo looked at the dashboard clock; three thirty-five P.M. She saw rows of hedges whizzing by. They had been out five hours, and were no longer in London. "Adam? Where are we? Why have we been gone for so long?"

Adam knew he would have to tell her the truth, in a few minutes they would be there. He took a deep breath and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "Jo. I love you, and I'm not doing this because of yesterday but I'm taking you to get help."

Jo was aghast; she stared at Adam for a few seconds. "I told you before I don't need it! Where the hell are we going?"

Adam stayed silent; they were only moments away from where he was taking her. He turned off down a long, tree shaded lane.

Adam saw the familiar black gates up ahead. He drove through them and continued past the red brick country house towards the newer, elongated white building that sat in the background. They passed a blue and white signpost on the path- 'Truro Institute-Secure Ward.'

Jos eyes grew wide and she sat open mouthed for a second. She raised her voice; "You bastard! No I'm not going in there! I don't need 'help' I just need to forget!"

Adam parked at the entrance to the clinic. He got out and opened the boot, removing the holdall. He swallowed back tears and shut his eyes for a second to compose himself. He swung the holdall over his shoulder then walked over to passenger side of the car and opened the door. "Come on then."

Jo glared up at him then looked away; she spoke through her teeth; "I am not going in there! Now; get back in the car and take me home!"

Adam sighed; "Jo. Please! Don't make a scene."

Jo was close to tears. She couldn't look at Adam, she felt betrayed. "I am not making a scene. Just take me home!"

Adam put his hands on the roof of the car; "Jo you need to do this!"

Jo slammed her un-injured hand down on the dashboard in frustration; "No! No I don't! Home! Now!"

Adam took a deep breath; he couldn't have felt worse. He reached in and unfastened Jo's seatbelt then hauled her from the car. For those few seconds, Jo was back in that small dark room, one of the men was yanking her from her chair, she knew the routine.

Adam saw the look of sheer terror that came across Jo's features as he grasped her and pulled her from the car. He turned his head; he knew he had frightened her and felt ashamed.

Adam tried as best he could to ignore Jo's pleas as he trailed her ; the same way he had trailed his children round shopping centres; up the white concrete path; there was brown gravel both sides of it and a few sparse bushes sat haphazard near the wall of the building.

Jo struggled against Adam; trying to break from his grip. She was almost screaming at him to stop, to go back to the car. Adam ignored her; if he spoke to her now his resolve would break and he would turn back. He approached the thick; heavy, glass fronted doors and pressed a button on the wall. The doors opened and Adam entered, still holding firm to Jo.

The reception of the unit was relatively large, with white walls and a few seats. There were a few small rectangular windows close to the ceiling. A large; circular, metal desk sat in the centre. It was currently occupied by four receptionists.

The receptionists looked up from their desks towards the sound of Jo's shouts. One of them; a middle aged lady-plump with greying hair and brown eyes, got up from her desk. As she got up she pressed a button that sat beside the computer then made her way over to Adam and Jo. Two orderlies made their way into reception from the staff room; one was a large man, well built with dark hair and energetic brown eyes. The other was a woman, she was also well defined and had long black hair, tied into a bun, she had a kindness in her hazel eyes.

The receptionist approached Adam. "Can I have your name please sir?"

Jo butted in before Adam could speak; "None of that matters, I don't need to be here."

Adam kept his poker face, though he relaxed his grasp on Jo; she pulled away. "Carter."

The receptionist nodded; "Yes; Mr Pearce informed us that you would be bringing your wife. We'll take it from here now Mr Carter." She handed him a clipboard from the desk, he signed the papers that were on it.

Adam handed the holdall to the receptionist. He realised Jo had gone quiet as he had signed the papers. He walked over to her and put his hands gently on her arms.

Jo looked straight at him; she was crying now; "Adam please don't do this."

Adam moved his hands to either side of Jo's face; he wiped away her tears with his thumbs then lent down and softly kissed her. "I love you Jo." He then turned and walked away.

As Adam turned from her and walked towards the door; Jo was devastated. "Adam please don't do this to me, please. Don't leave me here. Adam!" As the glass doors were buzzed open; Jo rushed forward only to be restrained by the female orderly.

Adam walked to the car and got in. As he drove down the country road leading back into the village Jo's voice echoed in his head, her pleas back in the clinic, her relief as she had left the hospital those weeks before.

He turned on the radio to block out his thoughts, the CD player flashed up, Jo had borrowed his car a while before she had been taken, the cd must have been hers. He would usually have turned it back to the radio but instead he pressed play. The CD skipped back to the last song, he heard no music, only the giggles and hushes of Wes and Adam Jnr' then he heard a voice starting quiet and getting louder

' _When it's over, you will start, your my head, you're my heart. No light no light in your bright blue eyes, I never knew daylight could be so violent. A revelation in the light of day, you can't choose what stays and what fades away, and I'll do anything to make you stay.'_

Adam laughed as Jo's rendition of Florence and the machine got cut off as she realised the boys were recording her. He flicked to the next song and listened as Bryan Adams began to play, as he listened to the song tears filled his eyes.

' _Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you. Whatever it takes and how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you.'_

Adam pulled over to the side of the road. Tears blurred his vision and ran down his face; he folded his arms across the steering wheel and sunk his head onto them; his body shaking as he broke down sobbing.

* * *


	17. The Doctor

**Chapter 17: Chapter 17**

* * *

The clinic's reception was now quiet; the only sounds were that of buzzers and machines. The orderly released her hold on Jo and turned to face two members off staff that had arrived from the staff room.

One of the staff; A woman of similar age to Jo, of medium build with brown hair and blue eyes; walked over to her. She was still facing the door. The woman went to her side; "Mrs Carter?"

Jo glanced briefly to the woman, acknowledging she had heard her then looked away again.

"Mrs Carter." The woman repeated; "Come with me please."

The woman led Jo down a long white corridor and into a small room; followed by the female orderly. The room was also white; a soft chair sat against the wall. A metal trolley sat in the corner; its wheels and drawers were locked. Against the side wall sat a doctor's couch. A clinical smell filled the air.

Jo looked at the woman, then to the orderly. She noticed that neither of them held the holdall that Adam had handed over. "Where are my things?"

The woman turned to the orderly; "Could you explain the admissions procedure to Mrs Carter? I'm going to get Doctor Klein" She left the room.

The orderly gestured towards the chair; "Would you like to take a seat Mrs Carter?"

Jo sat down. The orderly leant against the wall beside her. "Mrs Carter. The bag your husband gave us is being searched; just to make sure there's nothing in in it that you couldn't bring into the unit. Once Doctor Klein gets here we'll have to search you for any metal. Then you will be examined to check for any signs of self-harm.

Jo scowled up at the orderly; "I have enough people out there that want to hurt me; I have no need to do it myself."

The orderly gave Jo a sympathetic smile; "What happened to your hand?"

Jo looked down at her left hand; the bandage was slightly stained where she had been bleeding; hours before. She glanced back to the orderly; "That was an accident. I dropped a cup this morning and picked up the broken pieces, and cut my hand by accident."

The orderly nodded; "Of course." Her voice showed she didn't believe Jo.

The door to the room knocked and the woman came back in, followed by a female doctor.

Dr Klein glanced to the notes on the clipboard she held in her hand then back to Jo and smiled warmly. "Hello Jo. May I call you Jo?"

Jo nodded; "Yeah."

Dr Klein set the clipboard down on the couch then turned again to Jo; "Ok. Jo, My name's Doctor Klein. Could you stand up for me a moment?"

Jo stood and the orderly unlocked the third drawer of the trolley and removed a hand held metal detector. She approached Jo. "Mrs Carter; before I do this could you remove any metal you have on you, any jewellery including your wedding and engagement rings too; sorry."

Jo handed over her mobile phone and removed her belt, earrings and necklace. She took out the Kirby grips and bobble that held her hair off her face then raked her fingers through her hair, loosening it. She then handed the objects to the nurse; who put them in a large brown envelope. The orderly gave Jo the same sympathetic look she had earlier; "Mrs Carter…your rings."

Jo tentatively slipped the silver and sapphire engagement ring from her finger; as she did; tears sprang to her eyes again.

The orderly gingerly placed her hand on Jo's shoulder; "I know love, you haven't taken these off for any real length of time since you've been married, have you?"

Jo shook her head; "No."

The orderly gently rubbed Jo's shoulder; "It's not forever sweetie."

Jo gritted her teeth; "Get your hand off me, and don't bloody patronise me. I'm not thick."

The orderly stepped back. Dr Klein wrote something on the notes. Jo slid her wedding band off and handed both rings to the nurse; who put them into the envelope.

The orderly ran the metal detector over Jo; it was clear.

Dr Klein made more notes then set the clipboard down again; "Ok. Thank you Jo. Now I'm going to have to ask you to undress, down to your underwear please. I just want to examine you. Is there anything you want to tell me before we do this?"

Jo gave Dr Klein a stern look; "No. Like I just said to her." She looked to the orderly; "There are enough people who want to hurt me without me doing it myself."

Dr Klein gave a nod; "Ok. In your own time then Jo."

As Jo removed her clothes she began to shake; her skin crawled at the memories racing through her mind. She draped her t-shirt and jeans over the chair. She crossed her arms across her chest as if to shield herself from their view.

Dr Klein checked Jo over for any signs that she had been self-harming; she then gently took Jo's bandaged hand in her own; "Did you do this to yourself?"

Jo pulled her hand back from Dr Klein's loose grip; "No. I've said before. It was an accident. I dropped a cup."

Dr Klein held her hands out in front of her; as if she was showing she was no threat. "Ok…Ok. Calm down Jo." Dr Klein stepped back and wrote something on the clipboard. She flipped over a page and a look of concern crossed her face, she turned back to face Jo. "Jo…It says here that a few weeks ago you had minor surgery, and you haven't turned up at your follow up appointments. Why did you not go?"

Jo shrugged; "It doesn't matter why. Everything's ok with that; nothing unusual."

Dr Klein shook her head and looked to the orderly; "Could you get a gown please." She then turned to Jo; "If you're alright with it I'd like to check your stitches; see if they've dissolved and make sure you're healing as you should. Is that alright?"

Jo shook her head; "Just do whatever the hell you need to do; so I can get home."

After she had been examined; Jo was allowed to redress; though the laces had been removed from her shoes and her jewellery and other belongings had been removed. She sat on the couch and thought of the day's events. She looked at the clock on the wall; it was almost half five in the evening.

Doctor Klein wrote up some notes on the clipboard then pulled a chair up beside Jo. "Everything seems as it should. There's a room ready for you. Come with me.


	18. Breakdown

**Chapter 18: Chapter 18**

* * *

The room was small; its walls and ceiling; like the rest of the unit; were painted white and a small window near the ceiling let in some light. A ring bulb haloed the centre of ceiling; it was on a timer to come on at dusk and turn off at eleven P.M; then back on at eight. A single bed sat in the centre of the room; beside it sat a plastic, wood effect cabinet and a wood effect table on castors. There was also a high-backed armchair in the corner of the room and a wall clock sat high up.

Jo lay back and stared up at the ceiling; she thought of her husband and sons. Adam would still be driving home; she felt a mixture of disgust and love for him right now; she wanted him to hug her and make it all ok but she also wanted to slap him.

The size of the room was similar to the one she had been kept in weeks before; the room transformed before her eyes and once again she was back there; she was picking herself up from the floor as a man in a balaclava redone his belt.

A knock on the heavy wooden door startled Jo from her flashback; she realised she was shaking and tears streamed down her face. The door opened and a nurse; in her mid-thirties with dark brown hair and green eyes; along with another female orderly; a large olive skinned woman with dark curly hair and strong chocolate eyes; entered the room.

The nurse approached Jo; who was now sitting on the side of the bed. She handed Jo a tissue and sat down on the bed beside her; "Hush now. What's brought this on, Joanna?"

Jo shrank back as the nurse used her name; she was still shaky and was struggling to not cry. "It's…it's just…Jo…No-one calls me… Joanna; not anymore."

The nurse gave a small nod; "Ok and why is that?"

Jo wiped her eyes with the tissue then shook her head; "Because they don't…let's just leave it at that."

The nurse nodded; "Alright. I'm Lisa Monroe; one of the nurses here. I've just came in to ask you a few questions, is that Ok?"

Jo took a few deep breaths and wiped her eyes again; "I've said to Adam. I do not want to talk about what happened; I just want to forget."

Lisa reached over and covered Jo's hand with her own; "That's alright. We won't talk about anything you don't want to. Tell you what; we'll leave the questions until tomorrow. It's getting late; would you like anything to eat or a drink?"

Jo was calming down; she finally managed to stop her tears; "Just a tea; if that's ok?"

Lisa glanced to the orderly; "Could you go and make a cup of tea please?"

The orderly left the room and Lisa let go of Jo's hand; "I'll need to go; but I'll be back later tonight."

The evening drew in quick; Jo looked at the clock; half nine. The Orderly had returned her holdall around half an hour before; its strap had been removed. Jo opened it and removed a pair of short sleeved pink and black pyjamas. She got into them and sat back on the bed.

A few minutes later; Nurse Monroe came back in. She held a small plastic cup of water and a medicine cup.

Jo took a glance at the plastic cup and felt extremely uneasy. Nurse Monroe approached Jo and sat the water and small cup in front of her; "It said on your files that you've been having trouble sleeping. That you've seemingly been having nightmares?"

Jo nodded; "Yeah, but that's nothing unusual."

Nurse Monroe gently pushed the two cups closer to Jo. She looked inside the smaller one and saw two round tablets; one small and white and the other slightly larger and green. Jo set the cup back down; "What are they for?"

Nurse Monroe toyed with her fob; "The white one is Zopiclone; to help you sleep pet; and the green one is Xanax to help with your anxiety; you've been all over the place it seems darling."

Jo gently pushed the medication away from her; "No; thank you but I don't need them."

Nurse Monroe pushed them back. "Jo, If you want to sleep without seeing whatever it is you see then just take them, it will help."

Jo pushed them back a little harder; "No. I do not need them."

Nurse Monroe lifted the little tub and set it down in front of Jo again; "Jo; you really need to take these…"

Jo knocked both the medication and the water off the table with enough force to send it a quarter way across the room; soaking herself and Nurse Monroe in the process. Jo raised her voice "I do not need the bloody medication! Now leave me alone!"

Nurse Monroe got up and picked the medication and cups up from the floor. She turned to Jo; who looked as though she could either scream or cry at any given second; "I'll send an orderly in to clean up that water. Goodnight." She left, shutting the door behind her.

Jo threw back the covers and got into bed. Part of her pyjama top was soaked through but she didn't care. She kept her back to the door, even as the orderly came in to clean up. She spoke to Jo, though Jo chose not to answer.

That night; Jo cried herself to sleep thinking of her family, thinking she had let them down.

* * *


	19. Reluctance

Chapter 19: Chapter 19

The ceiling light came on early, waking Jo from her troubled sleep. She pushed back the covers and rubbed her eyes. Moments later the door of her room opened and a Nurse walked in, she was older and stern looking, with streaks of grey through her dark hair. She was short and plump; her face was wrinkled now but she seemed the sort of woman who was beautiful at one time.  
The nurse looked at Jo. Then at the clipboard in her hand; "Mrs Carter; are you aware of procedure and routine here?"  
Jo flicked her eyes over the nurse; "Yes;. I was made aware of procedure and routine upon my…admission…yesterday. That means, I know why you're here. You're going to try and convince me to take medication, 'cause you think that I've lost it. But I haven't lost 'it'… 'it' was taken."  
Nurse Keylar sat down beside Jo; "I don't think you've lost it Jo. But the real judgement on that is up to Dr. Klein. You'll be seeing her later. She showed Jo to the showers, and stood outside while she got herself washed and dressed.  
Jo sat across from Dr Klein , who was looking down at the clipboard again. She looked at Jo then set her pen down. "Good morning Jo. How are you today?"  
Jo continued to look at the floor; "I would be better if I was home, with my family."  
Dr. Klein tapped the clipboard with her pen; "Jo, being at home isn't really the best place for you right now… you need this, your husband has done the right thing, but you need to open up and talk to us."  
Jo sighed; "I don't need , or want to talk about it, it was horrible ok, he hurt me…they hurt me, and I want to forget, I just want to forget."  
Dr. Klein gave a half smile; "See, that helped a little didn't it?"  
Jo looked at the floor again; "No... and why do your nurses keep trying to drug me?"  
Dr. Klein set down the pen and looked over her glasses as Jo; "Jo, We are trying to give you anti- anxiety medication and a sleeping pill at night, they will help, but throwing them across the room isn't going to help matters is it?"  
Jo was getting annoyed; "After I have said no, over and over again, what other choice have I?"  
Dr. Klein sighed; "No one can force you to take medication oraly; but if this carries on and if you seem to be a danger to staff and yourself, then we will be forced to sedate you. I do not want to do that.”


	20. Through a child's eyes

**Chapter 20: Chapter 20**

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The morning was cold and dull. Rain bounced off the gravel in the drive and snaked down the windows. Adam sat at the kitchen table nursing a coffee in his hands. It had been three weeks since he had committed Jo into the secure unit at Tring.

Adam Jnr came into the kitchen; he saw the lines on his father's forehead, his tight lipped expression and the way he cradled his mug. He looked up at him, "You're thinking about mummy again, aren't you?"

Adam looked down at his son; he gave him a faint smile, "A little." He set down the mug and ruffled Adam Jnr's hair; "What are you up to then?"

Adam Jnr climbed onto his father's lap; "I was playing Lego, Wes is helping me build a house." He smiled, "Will you play with us?"

Adam returned his son's smile. "Yeah, ok." He went into the living room with Adam Jnr and saw Wes sitting on the floor; beside him was a large red box on a green platform. It had a few windows and a door. Wes had made a few pieces of furniture, living room, bedroom and kitchen items and they had left the structure without a roof. Adam Jnr was looking at the Lego men; he seemed to be thinking out loud. "Daddy…Wes…Me…Mummy."

Adam smiled and sat down beside Wes. "So, where do I come in?"

Wes gave a sly smile, "Can you build the car?"

Adam smiled back, "Easy!"

Wes chuckled. "Oh dear…"

Adam Jnr began to set the different plastic people into the house. He set one of the men on the sofa, a plastic newspaper in its hands. He set another beside that, it was clutching a game controller. The third he set on the floor in front of then, it was watching television. Then he picked up the forth; a woman; and placed her in the kitchen, at the sink. He raised the figurines arms, its hands covering the face.

Adam put wheels on the box that he constructed; "There we go."

Wes laughed, "That's rubbish dad!"

Adam looked over as Adam Jnr set the figurines in the house. "Who are they?"

Adam Jnr looked up; then pointed to each of the figurines in turn. "That's you; Daddy, and Wes, me and that's Mummy."

Adam exhaled, "Adam…is that how you see us and mum?"

Adam Jnr nodded, "Yes."

Adam looked at him, "Is there another way you would like to see us all?"

Adam Jnr nodded.

Adam exhaled, "Will you show me?"

Adam Junior moved the figurines, he placed Wes further up the sofa, his dad at the other side, He then placed himself beside Wes, and lifted the figurine from the kitchen and placed it beside the one of his dad, he linked the hands of the two. "Like that." He looked at the Lego woman, saw she was smiling.

Adam half smiled, "Yeah…so do I son." He got up and went to the kitchen to start lunch for the boys.


	21. Revelation.

**Chapter 21: Chapter 21**

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Jo sat across from Dr Klein again; just as she had done every day for the past three weeks. Their sessions had been mainly silence, with Dr Klein attempting to get Jo to speak to her, and Jo stubbornly refusing to bring up what had happened, and was still refusing to take the medication.

Dr Klein was becoming exasperated; she looked across the table at Jo; "Good afternoon.."

Jo looked back at Dr Klein; "Good afternoon."

Dr Klein looked at the file in front of her, then back at Jo; "Can you tell me what happened…before you came here?"

Jo dropped her glance to the floor, "No. I don't want to have to think about it."

Dr Klein exhaled. "Jo…I understand what you're going through."

Jo looked as though someone had slapped her. She suddenly stood; slamming both hands down on the table as she did. "You understand? How could you possibly understand! Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning and feel your stomach sink as the door to your room opens and you have no idea if the person entering is going to give you food, or kill you? How it feels to be beaten, to have buckets of freezing water thrown over you!"

Jo was shouting; her voice shaky. Her eyes were wide and she was struggling to hold back tears. "Can you, then, understand what it feels like to be violated every single day? To feel ashamed and disgusted at yourself! Do you know what it is to miss your children so much, to worry that you may never see them again! Do you know how it feel s to be pinned to a table, and have your unborn baby killed, inside you, with an unwound coat hanger, to feel yourself passing Its remains into a dirty plastic bucket while you try not to pass out from the pain! You do not understand any of it!" Jo sank back down into the chair, her face in her hands. She was sobbing.

Dr Klein exhaled, she had dealt with countless traumatised agents now for many years, but she hadn't quite known how to help Jo. She was different.

Jo's shoulders were shaking, her breaths were ragged and she sounded devastated. After a few minutes she looked up from her hands and at Dr Klein. "Y..yes..sorry."

Dr Klein passed her a glass of water. "It may have taken you to yell at me, but at least you've let it out a bit." She was writing as she spoke. She set down her pen and looked at Jo. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jo took a sip of the water "I…I don't know, Yes. No. I just want to get his face out of my mind; I don't want to remember it."

Dr Klein interlinked her fingers. "Jo. Talking about it may be a release. I can't force you, but, you may find that telling me a bit more; in a calmer environment; might help. Would you be willing to tell me a bit? Just; whatever you're comfortable with."

Jo sat in silence for what seemed like hours; it was in fact only a few moments. She gave a slight nod and looked at Dr Klein. "It was just an ordinary morning. We ran out of milk and I went to get some and few things for the boys, I was…I was walking home and then I remember waking up in a dark room." Jo broke down again and through her tears she told Dr Klein as much as she could bear to mention.


End file.
